A CLIENT’S JOURNEY

If you sit for a while with Murray and Lorraine, you can tell that they have a strong connection. In fact, they celebrated their 60 th wedding anniversary last year. The past few years have brought a new challenge to their relationship; in 2009 Lorraine was diagnosed with dementia. They didn't know much about the illness, so they reached out to the Alzheimer Society in Peterborough. Since then they've each found ways of coping with the changes that dementia brings.

"I have my good days and my bad days," says Lorraine. "I generally know when I wake up, and I'll tell Murray 'Look out I'm having a bad day.'" Lorraine says that routine is important. She uses a calendar, writes notes, and lays out her clothes each night for the next day. If she is doing something and gets frustrated, she puts it aside and does something else. "I sing a lot, do my crosswords, and I've got a cat. He's not much of a cat, but to me, he's a sweetheart. he's comfort."

Murray and Lorraine have participated in many Alzheimer Society programs including support and activity groups, and education sessions. They enjoy coming to their monthly meetings, where they've met others who are in a similar situation. Murray feels that their family members have also benefited from being able to attend educational events. "I think hearing from others has helped them understand what I was trying to tell them. It's made them more patient with Lorraine, which makes her feel better."

Recently they joined the Society's bus trip to 'A Changing Melody' in Toronto, a forum for persons with earlystage dementia and their care partners. The day included inspiring presentations by people from around the world who are living with dementia. Murray says "I got the feeling from one of the speakers that she's not giving up until the end. She's going to keep doing what is possible. I really appreciated that and in many ways Lorraine shows that attitude to me."

Lorraine feels it's important for people to hear from those who have dementia as this helps them be more understanding. "When you hear it from somebody who's living with the illness, it sinks in more, because it comes from their heart."

Murray and Lorraine say humour helps them cope. When Lorraine doesn't want to cook, they head out to a local restaurant. When they walk in, Murray calls out to the staff, "It's Murray's turn to cook tonight."

Lorraine says, "On a good day, I have a clear head." On those days they jump in the car and go somewhere. They may visit friends, attend a community supper, or take in a theatre show. Recently they've started playing carpet bowling at the local senior's centre. "I get a lot of gutter balls," says Lorraine, "but it's mostly the people that I like."

When it comes to supporting a spouse with dementia, Murray has these words of advice. "Give them all the comfort you can. If Lorraine gets stressed, I put my arms around her, give her a big hug and tell her, 'I have that problem too sometimes.' And don't be afraid to ask for assistance."

Murray and Lorraine are facing their journey with dementia the way they lived their six decades together, with honesty, humour and caring. They make the best of every day and Lorraine has this message to share with others who have dementia: "Don't be ashamed of what you've got. Don't be afraid to admit that you have a problem, because a lot of people don't know and if you tell them, they're more understanding."

A big thank you to Murray and Lorraine for sharing their story with our readers. By sharing our experiences and learning from each other, we can all work together to make our communities more dementia friendly.